A Snake! A Snake!

Dear M.,

I know you don’t like those creepy, crawling reptiles. Every time we’re watching NatGeo or Discovery and a snake is featured you give a little shutter and scrunch up your face.

I personally have always kinda liked snakes. Where I grew up we had these really cute bright green grass snakes. They were itty bitty and I would catch them and let them curl around my finger like a ring. They don’t have any teethies, but these little buggers would open their mouths are me like they had the most ferocious fangs in there. They were probably this variety:

Photo by Dave Angell
Smooth Green Grass Snake
(Opheodrys vernalis)
Smooth green snakes, also known as green grass snakes, are bright green with a white chin and belly. Their long narrow mouths give them a smiling appearance.: They are gentle snakes and have not been known to bite or defend themselves when handled.
These snakes are seldom seen due to their camouflage which blends in with their grassy habitat.
Smooth green snakes feed on grasshoppers, caterpillars, spiders, insects and earthworms.
I don’t know about the “…have not been known to …defend themselves when handled.” Sure seemed like the ones I caught were pretty pissed off and at least wished they had scary fangs and that menacingly jabbing their heads at me would make me see those imaginary fangs…

Anyway, even though I do not share your fear and dislike of snakes, it seems the people over at Mental Floss have found some good reasons for Indiana Jones (and you) to be scared of them. I remember watching something about the Australia invasion on one of those nature stations. maybe you want to move to Ireland? There are no snakes there…

I miss those little green grass snakes. Maybe I can catch one when I go visiting in June. Think they’ll let me board a plane with one? Maybe if we purchase a seat for the little guy? He could be your newest best friend!

Oh well, love ya anyway!



OfficeView Pro 3.11 – A reality check?

At our office we use spiffy nifty little program called OfficeView Pro 3.11 to help determine if people are in the office, and if they are in, are they available to take calls, answer questions, help others, bitch at, nag, etc.

OfficeView could also be used as a reality check for what is happening in our office over the past few months – we’re shrinking. And no, it’s not because of all the rain. Silly readers, our office does not melt like the Wicked Witch of the West. It’s due to the dreaded downsizing.

When I started working here about 4 years ago, all the employees had offices on the first floor and all the employees’ names fit on the OfficeView display without having to resize or scroll. Oh, the simplicity of popping that thing up and getting everyone’s status at a glance! But then we started growing and rapidly over the next 2 years OfficeView became a monster and you had to do all sorts of resizing and scrolling to be able to see what everyone was up to. Oh the scrolling created so much work!

But then our business took a huge nosedive and we had to financially scale back. This meant people lost their jobs. In once case, a person who had been here about 6-7 years lost her job and I think she took it as a betrayal… In any case, we were now shrinking. OfficeView once again because manageable, but at the same time it is sort of depressing. Now we long again for the days of resizing and scrolling.

Also, if you take a look at today’s OfficeView display below, you will see even in our depleted state, we have only about half of the employees in at 10:30am. Belch! I want to set my OfficeView status to ‘In, But Unavailable.’ I want this to be my status forevermore – but then where would annoying ‘I registered my cell phone!’ get all her information? Who would she bother? Actually, I would like to permanently set myself as ‘Out,’ but then would the entire agency implode? One wonders….

To M.

Dear M.,

You’re going to Radiohead!! Can you believe after all these years waiting for them to tour again that you’ve actually got tickets to see them?

I remember trying to get you tickets several years ago when they played in Atlanta (can it be that we’ve been married long enough for me to say ‘several years?!’) I even had your cousin trying to help me get those darn tickets and it just didn’t work out. But this time? This time we have two confirmed seats for the concert!

You owe me (snark, snark, snark). I guess you going with me on July 19th will be compensation… Well, I’m off to request the day after the concert off so we aren’t dead on our feet the next day. See you for lunch!




Self-Diagnosis: NPD

Dear Everyone Who Knows Me In Real Life:

How many of you think of me as a nice person? Go ahead, raise your hands… hmmm… I have a confession for you if you raised your hand – you’re wrong. I’ve been thinking about myself today (which will feed into this entire letter/post), and I figured something out. I may like to do nice things, but why do I do them? Mainly because I enjoy the attention it brings me.

I have a limited store of “nice.” This is because I can only do so many nice things and then it gets old to me and the store has to refill. Being nice is exhausting to me. It uses a lot of my energy. I am not a naturally nice person, I have to work at it. That’s why this is the Snark Chronicles and not the Miss Nicey Pants Chronicles.

I decided to do a little self analysis. I’ve self diagnosed myself as having “Narcissistic Personality Disorder,” or NPD. The all-knowing Wikipedia give the following definition of NPD

a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and a lack of empathy

A subject has to fit at least 5 of 9 indicators to have NPD. Any guesses which 6 I attribute to myself? M. could probably guess with good accuracy. Also, NPD afflicts about 1% of the general population – awesome possum! I’m in an elite group!

Oh, and just FYI – I have a bit of “nice” right now. Any takers? It won’t last long…

Yours Truly,

PS – I am quietly adoring myself in my office today, please do not stop by and interrupt me. Thank you.

Get ready for dinner parties and sexy beards

Who missed me? Oh, you didn’t notice I didn’t post over the weekend? Maybe you didn’t miss me. That’s okay. I spent the weekend sleeping off cramps and steam cleaning my living room floor. M. is the official picker upper of wet cat hair the steam cleaner sucks up and deposits on the top of the carpet. We could probably make a new kitten out of the amount of hair that thing sucks up. Now doesn’t that sounds like a weekend in heaven?

This post once a day for a whole month thing (NaBloPoMo) is kicking my butt this month. Workdays, easy peasy. Who wouldn’t rather post than work? Weekends? Sleeping usually sounds better than posting. It’s probably because most of my material comes from the office. Oh, that reminds me, The Office is back this week with an all new episode!! Get ready for Michael and Jan’s dinner party. Dwight was not invited… Also, who thinks Ryan looks sexy with his new beard (well, it was new last season, or was that the beginning of this season? I can no longer tell since the writer’s strike interrupted everything) . Anyway, tune in this Thursday for dinner parties and sexy beards. If you’ve never watched The Office, get the DVD’s of the first three seasons and catch up! If you like my blog you will love The Office. Now that is a ringing endorsement!

Since I have no witty letter to post today (at least not yet…) here are some things that might entertain you this morning:

  • Expressions by Ree the Pioneer Woman. Ree is one of my favorite bloggers right now. Her posts are funny, her photos are great, and she has some darn good recipes – just ask M. He has been amazed by my cooking lately and most of it is thanks to Ree!
  • Spacesuit or swimsuit? That is the question posed by this article on forecast earth. Maybe it could be called the “Highlight those genitals” suit?
  • Ewww – how dirty is your cell phone? Mine isn’t too bad because I almost never use it. But here’s an interesting video about all the bacteria living on your mobile device. The guy in the blue and white striped shirt is kinda cute, in a slightly dorky way. The bathroom scene reminds me of someone in my office… what’s growing on his phone? Yucky!
  • Maybe weekends off from my blog are a good thing (even though I have yet to earn any money from this blog..) Be careful how much you blog!
  • One last thing, my new favorite digital scrapping site is Scrap Orchard. They’ve been having some ‘freebee’ giveaways the past week and some challenges to celebrate their grand opening. I did a few layouts this weekend to participate and plan to do another one tonight. Check out the gallery and see if you can find my lovely postings. I even used human subjects instead of my favorite furries.

Lists was the March NaBloPoMo theme. Not only is April kicking my butt, I am reverting to March. Oh well, I am allowed a few crazy days a month, right?

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